I almost didn’t go.
When the invitation came through for a spa day with friends, my initial reaction was excitement, quickly followed by dread. The thought of being in a swimming costume around people who had never seen me in one before triggered a familiar storm of old fears. What if they judged me? What if I didn’t look “good enough”? What if my body, the one I’ve spent so much of my life criticising, stood out in all the wrong ways?
It would have been easy to let those thoughts take over. They used to, for years. But something in me had changed - thanks to the self-development journey I’ve been on. Through that work, I’ve learned to recognise my ego when it starts shouting, to notice the old mental scripts trying to loop on repeat.
This time, I caught them in the act.
Instead of spiralling into anxiety, I paused. I grounded myself. I took a breath. I reminded myself that those thoughts were just remnants of an old version of me - one who believed her worth was tied to how she looked, how “acceptable” her body seemed to others. But I am not that woman anymore.
So I made a choice: to step into my power, not my shame.
Walking into that spa, I was still aware of the whispers of discomfort. But I didn’t let them define the experience. I noticed the diversity around me - bodies of all shapes, sizes and stories. No one was perfect and no one needed to be. As the day unfolded, it became clear what actually mattered: laughter echoing off the warm tiles, heartfelt chats in the sauna, floating in stillness and connecting with people I care about.
Not once did anyone else’s body take away from the joy of the day. Why should I let mine?
That day became a quiet revolution for me. A reminder that my body is not something to apologise for - it’s a vessel for joy, connection, movement and life. I refused to let shame rob me of that any longer.
Body positivity isn’t about pretending to love every inch of yourself every moment of the day. It’s about choosing to show up anyway. It’s about choosing joy over judgment. It’s about recognising when your thoughts are trying to pull you backward and gently but firmly choosing to move forward.
I left the spa not only refreshed, but proud. Proud that I didn’t let old stories win. Proud that I claimed my space, claimed my joy and claimed a memory that was mine to keep, not shame’s to steal.
If you’ve ever felt the same dread, I hope this reminds you: you are not alone. But you are also not powerless. You can choose to step into the experience. You can choose connection over comparison. And you absolutely deserve to be there, exactly as you are.